Slippery Slope

The non existence posts have been replaced with combination drugs and howling at the moon. I went to the emergency room to see if they could cut and suck this lump on my foot and was promptly told that they would not and by promptly I mean after 7 hours and the introduction of an ass-out-gown which I tied at the hip to provide modesty and flare.

The little pimple that made my toes numb morphed into a true blue abscess that shoots salty daggers through my entire body at a moments notice, like every time I breath or try to go to the bathroom by myself. It has been a bit of a miserable little existence. The sexiest words to me right now are "spontaneous rupture" or the no harm no foul version of the cut and suck method I've been siding with through this whole ordeal.

Upside? I learned during bath time that it makes my leg incredibly buoyant, also mom has provided me with a neo to go capsule that I can spray on tightening skin without actually rubbing lotion on anything.

I feel like one of those morbidly obese people one would constantly see on television, being cut out of their house and air lifted to a hospital. I can't walk, standing still for more than 10 minutes at a time is painful and the only thing getting a workout around here are my lungs when I've made a wrong turn in my newly formatted bed (for optimum foot raising options).

this is week two of what started out as itching skin that I had to sponge down and vacuum up every once in a while. Now I'm outsourcing all of my needs and whims on the family and gathering multiple idle threats for it since they aren't the Florence Nightingale types. But a positive outlook is the key I guess, at the end of all this I may be too fat to fit in any of my clothes but I might just be big enough to fit in everyone else's!



can you say medicinal haze?